As high-profile individuals identify as having Asperger’s Syndrome, I pause to remember what it means to live and struggle without social fluidity. That is the core feature of Asperger’s Syndrome: the feeling of remoteness and anxiety that comes when someone with it engages in conversation that others seem to navigate effortlessly. It can feel like one’s processor is always on the verge of overheating and failing as shards of social cues and statements fly by in what should be “simple small talk”.
To try to let others know you are present and alive, and not be able to translate that into the language of socialization, remains an exhausting daily routine. It is a routine known to many with Asperger’s. Each conversation is dictated by an algorithm that cannot flex to the moment and always feels one or two steps behind what is being said. Entering social space that has unrecognizable inscriptions and guideposts is common to those with Asperger’s.
Often times, we place our own fantasies of what someone with Asperger’s should be so we can identify it valiantly within our own social norms.
Revealing an Aspergers definition…
For every one person with Asperger’s that we imagine creates complex computer programs and identifies nuanced patterns that could be useful in science, there are many more who would like to be teachers, doctors, artists, and friends. I hope the broader imagination of the non-Asperger’s world can go beyond a stereotype of the quirky professor or eccentric entrepreneur, to hold space for a different idea of what life for someone with Asperger’s can be. If we don’t do that, we are compartmentalizing those with a different way of relating into narrow views of what living can be.
To be present with the differences of those with Asperger’s ironically requires a skill outside of social norms. That skill is acceptance in its unfiltered form. It should be raw, basic, and with a novel perspective that does not judge and that appreciates the irregularities. The terms “socially appropriate” and “age-appropriate” are based upon less inclusive constructs and are not broad enough to appreciate social variation around us. If you want to know about someone with Asperger’s, you can go online and read bios, lectures, and stories about people who have identified as having it. However, if you want to actually know someone with Asperger’s, adjust your social lens and see the diverse human landscape presented to you.
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The Otherness Podcast blog is exploring and engaging autism through experienced stories with Dr. Todd Peter Levine and is available on most places and sites where you like to listen to podcasts.
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Revealing an Aspergers definition from Todd Peter Levine.
